a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
