Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
