So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
