I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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