im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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