No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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