I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
