it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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