First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
this is an emotional support booty call
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize