ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
