The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
