READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
