your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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