So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
