I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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