I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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