Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Too much gin, very little bucket
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
