At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That accounts for only three of the penises
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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