my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize