im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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