and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
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