"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
