that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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