There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
