my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
