why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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