I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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