I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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