sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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