why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
