i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
