check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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