Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
