it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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