it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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