just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
