Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
