watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize