It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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