i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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