you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
