I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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