How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
