He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
