I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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