when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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