Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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