the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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