the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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