i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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