i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Randomize
