We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
