thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
