I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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