I'm lost and stupid without you.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
