I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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