Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
