I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We left an ass print on the piano.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
