i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
