you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
