I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
