I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize