I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
