ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize