I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
