i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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