That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
