I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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