Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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