Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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