Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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